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Stepford Wives, The

Yet another superfluous remake in 2004, The Stepford Wives takes good concepts and themes from Ira Levin’s book of the same name, adds a heaping helping of slapstick, and then proceeds to lose sight of nearly every comedic device that makes the story special.  The original 1975 film is a cult classic of its own, and fairly well-known, so without a new hook, this one was doomed to fail from inception.  Funny thing is, it is probably because this new film deviates so much from the source material that it fails, as nearly every new element only cements its firm foundation in the realm of mediocrity.

Kidman (Cold Mountain, The Hours) stars as TV network reality show brainchild Joanna Eberhart, who finds herself on the end of a nervous breakdown when her job falls through.  Getting away from the stress and madness of New York City, she and her husband Walter (Broderick, Election) move to the conservative town of Stepford, Connecticut, where they are greeted with open arms by their overly zealous neighbors there.  There’s something uncanny about this community, filled with hot babe housewives that cater to their oafish husbands’ every whim.  Strange remote control devices and robotic movements in the women have Joanna suspicious that something sinister is going on, but if she uncovers what it is, will she lose the love of Walter in the process?

The potential was here for some choice witty satire on modern society, perhaps even broadening the scope beyond the "suzy homemaker vs. modern working woman" battle that takes place at the core of the film’s themes.  Screenwriter Paul Rudnick (Marci X) starts off the film with some funny (and not-far-from-the-truth) parodies of television reality shows, setting the premise for a fun, satirical romp.  While the tone never really deviates from "romp" status, the satire seems to get lost now and again, only rising up to the surface in ways that are too obvious in intention to allow us even the remote possibility of finding meaning for ourselves. 

Frank Oz (The Score, Bowfinger), who has worked with Rudnick before in In & Out, decides on a more upbeat approach to the story than the 1975 version, and the result only waters down the messages until all that’s left is goofball confrontations and slapstick shenanigans. it looks like someone did a hatchet job on the film to get it down to the 90 minute mark, as loose ends in the story are left hanging, while the main plot of the film makes absolutely no sense at all.  If the Stepford wives aren’t robots, how can they spit out money like an ATM, and why do they physically malfunction in ways only automated devices do?  It smacks of being rewritten to appease the mass audiences, as every smidgen of dark undertones is sugarcoated to the point that there appears to be little conflict and only marginal resolution.

What was once choice food for thought is now just mindless fluff that will probably only appease people just watching for some very mild escapism, and perhaps, the performances of the film’s stars.  The Stepford Wives is, ironically, a victim of its own satire, becoming the mechanical, slavishly deferent pleaser of a film that hasn’t an iota of the independent thinking the book or original movie had.  Like the wives themselves, it’s all aesthetics and smiles, dressing everyone up in proper form in the hopes of making us love it for the way it makes us feel, instead of stimulating our minds with intelligence.

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Death Tunnel Reviewed By Scott Weinberg Posted 02/13/06 20:10:28

"OK, let’s start with the DVD cover…" (Total Crap)

"Death Tunnel" is about a bunch of half-naked college girls who agree to spend a night in an abandoned lunatic asylum. Now look at the DVD cover and tell me what you see. You see a flat-chested girl who is underwater and wearing a gas-mask. Thus begins the Odyssey of Stupid that is The Death Tunnel Experience.Take a huge dose of Session 9, more than a few inspirations from Saw, and trot out the ridiculously old "college hazing turned horrific" concept that was old hat back when Hell Night hit the screens (which was 1981), and you’re left with Death Tunnel, an aggressively over-directed and underwritten piece of wannabe horror tripe. And it’s not even bad enough to be "fun bad," either.Five hot college girls agree to spend the night in a horrific old lunatic asylum, while a few snickering boys pop through the background and try to scare ‘em but good. Yawn. The girls simply wander around, clad mainly in underwear, perpetually yelling each other’s names, their collective aimlessness punctuated by sentences like "this isn’t funny anymore," before a listless kill scene occurs and we get a few glimpses of otherworldly weirdness. And on and on and on… So if I told you that the "sanatorium" turned out to be haunted by actual ghosts, as well as a slasher-type dude dressed in a gas mask and a big garbage bag, I doubt you’d express much in the way of surprise or amazement.What I find amazing is that a flick this awful could land a DVD deal from Sony, but hey, that’s just me.First-time fraternal filmmakers Philip & Chris Booth have one small asset on their side: They got access to the amazingly creepy edifice known as the Waverly Hills Sanatorium, which is a predictably run-down, deserted, and terrifying building located in Louisville, Kentucky. Other than their creepy location, though, the Booth brothers are shooting blanks.Putting aside the fact that the screenplay is 11 parts rehashed and plagiarized horror hokum and that the flick contains some of the most amateurish acting performances I’ve seen in years, Death Tunnel is directed with an epileptic approach that coasts right over irritating and borders on maddening.Not content to let its one-note story ferret itself out in a linear fashion, the flick offers a collection of insta-flashbacks, -forwards, and -sidetrips — without ever stopping to notice that not one of the subplots, regardless of time frame or location, is even remotely fresh, exciting, or scary. A bunch of girls wake up in their asylum room and then *whammo* we’re hit with a fascinating flashback to the party that preceded their hazing rituals. Why? To make the thing run a full 90 minutes, I suppose.The filmmakers also help to distract from the aimless directorial stylings by employing all sorts of camera trickery, stuff like speedy-flipout-face-cam and goofy blood-splatters on the lens and all sorts of Tool video-style silliness. It’s not just that Death Tunnel is cheap, derivative, and clearly made by folks with more enthusiasm than talent; it’s that Death Tunnel is the horror flick equivalent of elevator Muzak.( © Review reprinted from DVDTalk, with permission from the author (me) and the DVDT management. For the full DVD specs on this particular movie, please visit www.DVDTalk.com and get friendly with the search bar.)
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High Crimes – **1/2 (out of 5)   (2002)

Cast: Ashley Judd, Morgan Freeman, Jim Caviezel, Adam Scott, Amanda Peet

Directed By Carl Franklin

For all her attempts, I wonder if Ashley Judd will ever star in a good thriller sometime in her career.  KISS THE GIRLS, EYE OF THE BEHOLDER, and DOUBLE JEOPARDY have started a string of mediocre and predictable thrillers that, along with her latest endeavor, HIGH CRIMES, is going to make the name "Ashley Judd" synonymous with flawed suspensers. 

HIGH CRIMES, based on the novel by Joseph Finder, reunites Judd with Morgan Freeman, but this is not another chapter in the Alex Cross series.  Rather, the characters are altogether different, with Judd playing a high-powered attorney whose life unravels when her husband is arrested and revealed to have hidden his true identity to her for years, and what’s worse, is facing the death penalty in a military court for his alleged role in the murder of several innocent El Salvadorians.  Judd has a rough go of it, because military justice is much different than civilian, and enlists the services of ex-lush lawyer Freeman, a civilian that took on the military before and won. 

HIGH CRIMES runs smoothly and effortlessly for the first 45 minutes, setting up the film well.  Judd and Caviezel deliver solid performances, and the supporting cast is colorful and well-rounded.  After the set-up, the road becomes bumpy, with the introduction of a needless character in Judd’s nympho sister and an equally needless subplot revolving around her affair with the military attorney originally assigned to the case.  Still, the film might have still been quality if it didn’t delve into plot holes and a smart cast behaving idiotically at almost every turn.  Judd keeps returning to her home that upon every visit is found to have been broken into or is being closely watched by some scary-looking characters.  Then, there are several attempts to her life which, once you find out the complete story, makes absolutely no sense, raising many more questions than answers.  In the final insult to our intelligence, the last 20 minutes devolves into the kind of crap thriller endings that is neither thrilling nor interesting since we know what is going to happen long before. 

HIGH CRIMES is a bad film with good actors, and it just might seem credible enough due to the performances to entertain viewers who aren’t as concerned with a tight plot than in good actors and melodrama.  Fans of Judd may also enjoy her strong role, although Freeman’s part isn’t meaty enough to leave a lasting impression.  Most everyone else may opt to catch this once it hits rental or cable TV, but if you miss out seeing this altogether, you aren’t missing much.

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Funny Face Reviewed By Mrs. Norman Maine Posted 12/02/02 15:49:37

"Wallow in 50s high fashion photography" (Worth A Look)

Gasp at the amazing optical effects! Be prepared to turn your wardrobe the color of Pepto-Bismol! Yes, just one viewing of ‘Funny Face‘ will have you longing for the elegant fashions, the glamorous lifestyles, and the dancing beatniks of the Eisenhower era.I’M GOING TO BE A SUPERMODEL!Norman was having a good day yesterday, so I decided to take a little break from preparations for my new infomercial, Virtually Vicki , and to take him on a little outing. The sun was shining, his oxygen tent was working normally and I could fit all of his pills into my new Gucci handbag so we decided to go off to the zoo and look at the animals. Usually, I see enough animals in my meetings with studio executives but Norman was in the mood for llamas so the zoo it was. Everything was fine until we got to the ratite house where, thinking that Norman was edible, a large emu stretched its neck out of the cage and nipped him on the ankle.Norman let out a holler and I had the presence of mind to whip out my cell phone and dial 9-1-1. Soon, a handsome young paramedic, looking remarkably like Bobby Sherman, was hustling Norman away into an ambulance for a quick trip to Cedars Sinai. My second call was to Madame Rose, my publicist. I wanted to make sure that she alerted the Hollywood press corps so that Norman and I could have a nice little human-interest story in the ‘People’ section of the paper. Rose must have worn her dialing finger to the nub for, when we arrived at the ER, there were satellite vans and camera crews everywhere. I straightened my turban and went out to face my adoring public. Just then, to my horror, Sharon Stone arrived with her husband; he had, apparently, gotten himself bitten on the foot by a Komodo dragon and the press corps went charging after her. Honestly! Norman and I were major stars before she was even born. It’s absolutely disgraceful that she had to come up with such an obvious copycat incident.Norman was sent home an hour later with a band-aid and instructions to keep his foot up and well away from antipodean avian life. I settled him down with a bottle of Tanqueray to keep his pain at bay and repaired to my luxurious home theater to lift my spirits. There, I tuned into Funny Face , the 1957 musical with Fred Astaire and Audrey Hepburn – a musical, even from Paramount, is just the sort of thing to pep you up when Sharon Stone steals your thunder.’Funny Face‘ is another spin on the Pygmalion/Galatea myth, only this time set in the world of high fashion photography and magazine layouts. Fred Astaire is Richard Avery (modeled on Richard Avedon - whose fashion photography provided the look for the film), a successful photographer who works for ‘Quality Magazine’, churning out high concept layout after high concept layout. Kay Thompson is Maggie Prescott (modeled on Diana Vreeland who ruled Vogue with an iron fist for years), the magazine’s editor who is tired of the same old faces and the same old looks. One day, while Richard is trying to get a brainless beauty (Dovima - a real 50s model in a great little comic turn) to look artistically intelligent, he and Maggie realize they need a more authentic background so the whole Quality gang piles into taxis and races off to find a suitably musty bookstore in Greenwich Village to use as a backdrop. They end up at ‘Embryo Concepts’, a bookstore devoted not to abortion literature, but rather to obscure philosophical texts.The sole employee on duty is Jo Stockton, who dresses in an Edith Head shapeless bag dress, and who is supposed to be a beatnik with a thing for French philosophers. As it’s Audrey Hepburn, Jo outclasses all the swells from uptown and, when Richard’s camera catches her, a reluctant star is born. Maggie, who is a human force of nature rather than a woman, persuades her to come to Paris with her and Richard and be the new ‘Quality Woman’. Maggie dangles the opportunity for Jo to actually meet her idol, Professor Flostre (Michel Auclaire doing Sartre cum Foucault). This is just the bait necessary to get her to agree. Off the whole gang goes for Paris where things do not go exactly as planned but, as this is a 1950s musical, everything comes to a happy romantic ending.The musical is vaguely inspired by the Gershwin show of the same title from the 1920s, but Paramount threw out the plot, and kept only some of the songs (especially the title number) and rounded the whole thing out with a few other Gershwin hits and some Roger Edens non-entities when the plot needed something that Gershwin (who had died twenty years earlier) hadn’t bothered to leave behind. Unlike My Fair Lady , they allowed Audrey to do her own singing. She doesn’t have the operatic sound, so beloved in 50s singing heroines, but she hits most of the notes and makes up in emotional conviction what she lacks in technique. She also dances gracefully (her early ballet training), partnering Astaire well and cutting loose in a sort of beatnik ballet that is a lot of fun.Astaire spends most of the movie being Fred Astaire. But there’s nothing wrong with that. Matching him with Audrey Hepburn was great for the dancing, but just a little creepy on the romantic end, as he’s almost old enough to be her grandfather. The practice of pairing a 25-year-old heroine with a 60-year-old hero has an ancient and venerable history in cinema tradition. And I wish it would stop. Or that the reverse would be true. I’d love to be Josh Hartnett’s next leading lady.Kay Thompson is the magic ingredient that makes the picture zing. She had a relatively limited career in the movies as her bold and brassy personality made it difficult to find roles in which to cast her. Here, she’s perfect as she steamrollers over everyone to get her way. Thompson was vocal coach and arranger for MGM through much of the 40s and early 50s and was a well-known nightclub entertainer for many years, inventing a kind of rhythmic patter singing that became the rage in the late 50s and early 60s. She is, however, perhaps best known as the author of the Eloise books, which she based on her acquaintance with the young Liza Minelli. She starts the picture off with a bang with Think Pink and gives it another lift when she, Hepburn, and Astaire do a split screen tour of Paris in Bonjour, Paris .The film cemented Hepburn’s relationship with the great French designer, Givenchy and he designed her clothes for the Paris fashion shoot sequences. She looks glorious in picture postcard setting after picture postcard setting. The woman, the clothes, and the city combine for some spectacular images.Stanley Donen, the great musical director who did most of Gene Kelly’s best pictures, directed. It’s not his best job and there are lame moments, especially the Flostre subplot and he tends to spend so much time showing us the panorama of Paris that he forgets to focus in on his performers. The filming took place during one of the wettest summers Paris has ever experienced. Look closely at Hepburn’s shoes in some of the outdoor dance numbers as the mud magically appears and disappears and marvel at how she and Astaire don’t slide and fall on their derrieres. On the whole, this is a pleasant divertissement, worth a look to see a culture and a style of filmmaking long since vanished.Originally Written 6/11/01Revised 11/20/02Chartreuse veil. Empathicalism references. Darkroom chemicals. Gratuitous Ruta Lee. Eiffel Tower dancing. Paris Opera House without Phantom. Beatnik arabesques. Collapsing fashion show. Grand staircase of the Louvre running. Gratuitous helium balloons.
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DOWNLOAD MOVIE Do You Like Hitchcock? Just $2.99 for a complete movie! No additional software or browser plug-ins required! You can play them for unlimited number of times whenever you want. Downloaded movies will work perfectly on any PC, DVD player, PDA etc.
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Do You Like Hitchcock?

Sure, I like Hitchcock, but that doesn’t mean I’ll like just anything that pays the director respect.  If you’re going to lift pages directly out of the book of the Master of Suspense, at least make an earnest attempt to make a good movie, instead of merely rehashing the more well-known parts just for the sake of easy homage.  Asking me the question in the title is like asking me, "Do you like Italian cuisine?", and then giving me a plate of Chef Boyardee.  If you’re going to tempt with the offer for the very best, don’t give me what would amount to the worst film of his career had he been the one to direct it.

For over three decades, filmmaker Dario Argento (Suspiria, Deep Red) has been dubbed "the Italian Alfred Hitchcock", for his stylish thrillers (called "giallo" in Italy) that mix violence, sensuality, and a touch of the macabre.  Rather than continue to fight the comparison, Argento has chosen to fully embrace it, crafting a made-for-TV homage that incorporates many Hitchcockian themes, as well as many allusions to the Master’s best works.  Unfortunately for fans of both Hitchcock and Argento, homage was better paid when it was done unintentionally, as Do You Like HItchcock? only serves to remind viewers of how masterful Hitchcock was in the craft of cinema, and none of his many imitators have been able to truly come close.

Elio Germano (Respiro, Unfair Competition) stars as Giulio, a film student that develops an insatiable yen to spy on his sexy, and often scantily clad, neighbor across the street, Sasha (Rocchetti, The Embalmer).  After encountering Sasha at the local video store renting Hitchcock’s classic, Strangers on a Train, Giulio is startled to find that Sasha’s mother has been brutally murdered in the apartment, and with an air-tight alibi, perhaps the film inspired a "criss-cross" killing similar to the one in Hitch’s film.  Desiring to put a stop to what he believes will be a follow-up murder, Giulio begins to watch Sasha’s sexy new friend, Federica (Conti, My Mother’s Smile), although mounting pressure from his skeptical girlfriend (Brondo, L’Auberge Espagnole) begins to take its toll in his personal life.

While this is the first official homage to Hitchcock in Argento’s career, it doesn’t really come across much different than some of his other films that borrow heavily from Hitch’s technique.  It does constantly bring forward plot elements of Hitchcock’s famous films, especially Strangers on a Train, Rear Window, and Dial M for Murder, but the grisly execution and over-stylized montages feel more like it was made by Brian De Palma on a bad day than in one experienced filmmaker’s loving tribute to another.  Several basic Hitchockian themes do emerge, from voyeurism, doting mothers, and mistaken motivations, but they really add so very little to the film’s overall enjoyment factor. 

Hitchcock was a visionary filmmaker in so many ways mostly because the things that resonated to him were things he felt passionate about.  While many other have studied his techniques, themes, and storylines, those that seek to replicate his films are doing so merely out of a passion for Hitchcock’s style, rather than actually feel the same drive that Hitch did for the body of the work and the thematic motifs that occur through many of his films.  The result is a film that looks and sounds like a Hitchcockian movie, but never really gives us the same feeling.  If anything, it makes us want to turn it off and put in a genuine Hitchcock film instead.

Given that so much of Argento’s work has already taken much out of Hitchcock’s bag in terms of style and some substance, this homage seems not only late in coming, but to many Argento fans, will seem rather redundant.  Hitchcock fans looking for a rekindling of the magic from another master of suspense will find this little more than a failed experiment, coating many Hitchcockian plot devices with glossy eroticism and sensationalized violence.  Whether you’re watching this as an Argento aficionado or a Hitchcock devotee, you’re better off watching the more famous films of either director than this homage that is nothing more than wholly recycled imagery and ideas out of the filmographies of both maestros.

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Rookie, The

Eastwood may be a well respected director these days, crafting such Academy Award winners as Unforgiven, Mystic River, and Million Dollar Baby, but he has made a few duds in his time as well.  Anyone remember Firefox?  True Crime?  Absolute Power?  Blood Work?  If you do, don’t you kinda wish you didn’t?

The Rookie was Eastwood’s attempt to direct a buddy cop flick, very much in the vein of 48 Hrs. and Lethal Weapon.  He didn’t succeed.  The primary reason stems from the fact that those movies had good chemistry, clever dialogue, and a real sense of irreverence that made the banter between the characters infectious.  The Rookie simulates the feel of banter without actually having the depth of characterizations to make us feel we truly know these guys as anything but one-dimensional archetypes.  It also doesn’t help that the script by Boaz Yakin (The Punisher) and Scott Spiegel (Evil Dead II)  is mounted on an insipid plot. 

This plot concerns an underground organization of car thieves, led by a German named Strom (Julia, Presumed Innocent), who steal the best of cars, dismantle them in the local chop shops, and then sell them to the highest bidders.  Eastwood plays Nick Pulovski, a down-and-out cop on the grand theft auto beat, that just lost his partner in a bust of Strom’s latest catch.  Pulovski is pulled off the case now that it belongs to homicide, but he is still hell-bent in his determination to take Strom down.  Nick is assigned a hotshot rookie detective, an impeccably gifted but very green new guy named David Ackerman (Sheen, Major League), who knows his stuff, but has had a lifelong bout of freezing up when situations become tense. 

The Rookie is a truly poor movie, made almost acceptable because of Eastwood’s dry humor and a few memorable scenes.  It is gratuitously violent and highly sensationalized, although perfectly in keeping with the kinds of action movies churned out by Hollywood during these years.  It does feature an interesting array of actors, although some of them are not really cast well.  Most notable in this regard is Raul Julia, who does make for an intelligent and charismatic adversary, but his underwritten role suffers greatly by the fact that his Latino-flavored accent is too strong to buy him as a German, no matter how many "zese", "zose", and "zem"s he utters liberally.  Sonia Braga (Angel Eyes, Empire) doesn’t even bother trying.

Luckily for us in the audience, Eastwood realizes just how ridiculous the premise of the film is, so he decides to have fun with the project, sending it wildly over the top during certain moments for some tongue-in-cheek laughs.  Perhaps he should have just made the entire thing a complete lark and stripped out all pretense of seriousness, and we might be looking at a better film here. 

The one complaint about Eastwood as a director that has managed to stick with him throughout his career is his lack of ability to squeeze out the excess in his films down to a traditional running length, and at over two hours, The Rookie is a good twenty minutes longer than it really needed to be.  Most scenes go on longer than necessary, and some exist for no real reason at all, to the detriment of the overall momentum,

For all of its flaws and excesses, The Rookie might still provide a decent evening’s worth of entertainment for Eastwood’s fans (like myself) and those that love bloody, comical cop action films of any variety.  Some guilty pleasure entertainment may certainly be had, provided you take it about as serious as Eastwood intended, which is to say, not at all.

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Addams Family, The

It might be a step down from the pleasure that was The Addams Family, but this sequel doesn’t miss too far off the mark.  Although darker in nature, with a more adult vibe (this one kicks the rating up to PG-13), once the plot gets rolling, the momentum returns.  While never great, there are some fun moments to be had, especially due to the performances of the lively main players.

In this one, Uncle Fester (Lloyd, Back to the Future Part III) ends up falling for Debbie (Cusack, Working Girl), the Addams’ new nanny taking care of their new addition, Pubert. Unbeknownst to him, Debbie is really a gold digging murderess, out to marry Fester and snatch his cash, after she’s finally done him in. While the adults are clueless, the kids are hip to her schemes, but they can’t do much about it, since they’ve been shipped off to summer camp, where the happy-go-lucky nature of the place doesn’t jibe well with their dark personalities.

It’s hard to go wrong with all of the main players back, and even without a good story, the strength of the original film’s visuals continues here.  The main plot is sporadically entertaining, becoming interesting mostly when Christina Ricci (The Opposite of Sex, Pecker) or Christopher Lloyd take center stage.  The new Addams is meant to give this sequel a new element of cuteness, but this is probably the least effective subplot of the film.  Also on the down side is that, while the Addams Family has always been dark in its humor, there is an element of vicious mean-spiritedness that undercuts some of the scenes, particularly when the siblings are trying to kill one another.  Obviously, they won’t be successful, given the commercial family film nature of it, but these scenes are never as funny as first-time screenwriter Paul Rudnick (In & Out, Marci X) must have thought they would be.

Even with some of the substantial downsides, Addams Family Values maintains an interest level throughout.  The quality of the humor wildly varies, but there is just enough going for it to justify the time spent.  Needless to say, if you didn’t care for the original, you aren’t likely to think this an improvement in any capacity, leaving this recommended strictly for those viewers that just can’t get enough Addams Family antics.

— Followed by a direct-to-video sequel, Addams Family Reunion.

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Executive Decision Reviewed By Rob Gonsalves Posted 01/13/07 09:47:24

"Boring, but at least Seagal isn’t in it much." (Pretty Bad)

‘Executive Decision‘ is as bland as its title. What’s more, it finally gives us what Hollywood has been threatening for years, the movie nobody was waiting for: ‘Airport ‘96.’It’s got everything — the mad bomber; the plucky stewardess; the Who’s Who passenger list (though this movie uses character actors, not faded stars as in the Airport series); the hero who knows how to do everything except land a plane, which of course he’s called upon to do.The plot is one of those bewildering pieces of cheese about terrorists and anti-terrorists, all of whom have huge guns and identical constipated expressions. A famous terrorist has been arrested, and his cohorts hijack an airliner and demand that America set the terrorists free. Or else what? Well, there’s a nerve-gas bomb on the plane, ready to detonate when it lands in Washington. Kurt Russell, as some sort of fancy intelligence agent, is the only one smart enough to figure out this plan. He and a pack of commandos (led by Steven Seagal) decide to take another plane up and break into the airliner. I’d just as soon not go into how they do it, because it’s complicated and probably the most entertaining section of the movie. After that, though, Executive Decision loses altitude fast.The two or three remaining members of the Steven Seagal Fan Club should know that his presence in the movie is grossly exaggerated in the ads. Great character actors like J. T. Walsh sit around, obviously bored and wondering when they’ll get to do anything. Joe Morton (as an injured commando) spends most of the film on his back. Halle Berry (as the plucky stewardess) looks anxious. Oliver Platt, who tries to disarm the bomb, sweats a lot and chews a straw. Marla Maples Trump shows up, too, as another stewardess. That’s how you really know this is Airport ‘96. As he proved in StarGate, another throwback to ’70s schlock, Kurt Russell has a way of shouldering a big retro load like this without too much strain. He’s not bad here; as an actor, he always projects solid common sense and intellect, and he keeps Executive Decision halfway watchable. But you’d hardly know from his bespectacled, buttoned-down performance what a witty actor he can be. Apart from the movie’s specific flaws, there is something distasteful about Hollywood’s insistence on foreign terrorists, especially after the extreme reality slap in Oklahoma City. Executive Decision has an odd and bitter element: The title refers to the government’s decision to destroy the airliner — with 400 innocents aboard — before it can touch down and release the nerve gas. The movie is full of toxic gas itself. It demonizes both foreigners and the U.S. government in a way that reminded me of the militant paranoia of Rambo — the definitive Reagan-era fantasy.‘Executive Decision‘ would fit better in any era but this one. It’s for people who still want to believe the enemy isn’t us.
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National Treasure (2004) / Adventure-Action

MPAA Rated: PG for violence Running Time: 100 min. Cast: Nicolas Cage, Diane Kruger, Sean Bean, Justin Bartha, Jon Voight, Harvey Keitel, Christopher Plummer Director: Jon Turteltaub Screenplay: Cormac Wibberley, Marianne Wibberley

 

 

I’m not the first person who has compared this very derivative film to Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade or in the best-selling novel, "The Da Vinci Code",  but it would be practically impossible to write an informed review without at least acknowledging that the similarities have to be more than just great coincidences.  Regardless, I have learned not to expect anything great from producer Jerry Bruckheimer (Kangaroo Jack, Bad Company), and certainly not screenplay hack-job artists like Cormac and Marianne Wibberley (Bad Boys II, I Spy), whose credentials make me uneasy when attaching the label of "filmmakers" to.  The only real rays of hope come from a fairly decent cast, and a competent director in Jon Turteltaub (Phenomenon, The Kid), responsible for some of the more legitimately thoughtful family-oriented films in the 90s.

Here, Nicolas Cage (Matchstick Men, Adaptation.) plays Ben Gates, who comes from a family line of fortune hunters who have been searching for a treasure hidden by the founding fathers of the United States for generations.  Although clues abound, the next one is the hardest to get — there is supposed to be an invisible map on the back of the incredibly well-guarded Declaration of Independence.  he plans to "borrow" the Declaration, but a rival group of baddies want it for themselves, forcing Ben to try to get to the treasure first while eluding the law enforcement that will stop at nothing to get the nation’s most prized document back.

To be fair, I must declare that I’m of two minds about National Treasure, so I feel the need to split up the review, as I’ve often done before, so that you can decide for yourself which is most important to you.  After all, one man’s trash is another man’s "treasure".

The Treasure (aka The Good Stuff)

Nicolas Cage stars in his fourth Jerry Bruckheimer production (after The Rock, Con Air, and Gone in 60 Seconds), and while this is far from his best work as an actor, his presence does offer some credibility to his otherwise wafer-thin character.  Toss in Jon Voight (The Manchurian Candidate, Holes) as the stern, unappreciative father (albeit a rip-off of Sean Connery’s portrayal of Henry Jones in The Last Crusade), some welcome eye-candy in Diane Kruger (Troy, Wicker Park), and a thankfully subdued performance by Sean Bean (Equilibrium, Ronin), and National Treasure gets a check in the plus column for a relatively likeable cast. 

It’s also a good looking film, as you’d probably expect from Bruckheimer, with quality economical direction by Turteltaub and sumptuous cinematography from Caleb Deschanel (The Patriot, The Hunted).  Nice locale work, top-notch special effects and sound effects, and good work on the sets and costumes, all make this an appealing film, if only on a visceral level.

Falling under the Disney moniker, it’s a relatively decent family film, and even if not anything new, it is served well in the role of mindless popcorn movie.

The Trash

Harvey Keitel (Red Dragon, U-571), on a good day, is perhaps the best thespian of the bunch in the cast, but is given the lackluster role of the FBI Agent assigned to get the thieves of the Declaration.  Sure, he does a good job, but seeing him in such a generic role with little range is about as thrilling as going to the home of a world-famous chef and being served cheese and crackers. 

There’s no other way to say it - the script is about as dumbed-down as you can get with a premise this high-concept.  It’s far more pedestrian than a film with this budget deserves, and once again, Bruckheimer likes his films to be accessible by everyone — young, old, and the near-comatose.  Even people who don’t understand English will be able to follow along without need for subtitles.  With dialogue this corny, it’s probably a blessing.

Too many comparisons to better works are begged here, with certain scenes and shots being carbon copies of moments from the Indiana Jones trilogy.  Hopefully, people will forget about this film when the real version of The Da Vinci Code, which features a similar labyrinthine plot around the most famous of treasures, is released.

Lastly, the plot is about as cookie-cutter Hollywood as you can get.  Just once I’d like to see the tag-a-long partner be a frumpy old woman instead of some hot babe, who is forced along for the ride in the most contrived of ways.  As customary, she will be used as a bargaining chip to get the protagonist to comply with the bad guy’s wishes from time to time, and her only other real worth is to be able to stick around to have a happy ending. 

The Verdict

National Treasure has its merits for those seeking entertainment so homogenized that it will entertain every member of the family, although probably at the most minimal of levels for some.  It’s high-gloss, but completely disposable Hollywood filmmaking that never deviates from the basic formula elements.  For those who have enjoyed every insipid, faux-patriotic, mechanical Bruckheimer production in the past, you’ll get more of the same.  For those looking for something worthwhile to do with their movie ticket money, I’d suggest putting that money toward a book, Dan Brown’s "The Da Vinci Code", for a genuinely interesting adventure mixed with fascinating historical perspective.
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Movie: A lot of movie fans will go see any movie a particular star is in. This is an undisputable fact and is sometimes referred to as a star’s draw: how much money can a movie make based solely on an actor being in the movie? Even stars that often make great movies will sometimes take on a project for financial reasons, never having read the script. Such is the case with a little known movie from 1990, Loose Cannons.

The movie shows a veteran cop, Mac (Gene Hackman), who is saddled with a brilliant partner, Ellis (Dan Aykroyd), that has a personality disorder-whenever he gets stressed, he starts acting like various television characters. Other than that, he’s sharp as a tack but it obviously puts the team in great danger when they begin investigating a case with a lot of hostile bad guys. The team stumbles across a case involving a porn tape made by Hitler (yeah, that Hitler) and it’s political ramifications. The bad guys don’t want the tape released and will stop at nothing to prevent it from being distributed. If that sounds like a cliché, it’s because the movie is full of them.

Had the movie stuck with a more down to earth premise, and let Hackman be the center of the movie, it could’ve been much, much better. On the other hand, had it let Aykroyd have a more fleshed out character, or at least kept him focused on the few imitations he could pull off without looking like a drunk at a party, it “might” have been better. As it was, the movie seemed to suffer from the same multiple personality disorder that Aykroyd’s character did and the results were less than satisfying. Let’s face it, Hackman’s portrayal of Popeye Doyle in The French Connection movies were near definitive examples of a “tough cop” in movies. While he has the range to be something else, his character was obviously plucked out of that role to be put here in a fish out of water setting against Aykroyd’s zany misfit. Maybe if Jim Carrey or Robin Williams were in this role, it might’ve been better but that’s a stretch of the imagination too. Poor writing can be compensated for by great acting but that’s not usually the case.

The story being so bizarre certainly didn’t help matters much. Rather than look at the subject seriously, this being a comedy after all, it took the low road and fumbled there too. Hackman as a straight man didn’t work and it looked like the director figured this out ten minutes into the movie but wasn’t able to adjust accordingly. If he truly felt trapped by the suits pushing this movie to be completed, I could almost feel sorry for him. It wasn’t the worst movie I’ve seen in the last 13 years (it was originally released in 1990) but it sure didn’t make good use of the cast. As such, I can only fairly rate this one as a Skip It.

Picture: The picture was presented in 2.35:1 ratio anamorphic widescreen color. The fleshtones were generally accurate, as were the other colors, although there were plenty of moments where the focus was a bit off. I did notice a few compression artifacts but not many.

Sound: The sound was presented in Dolby Digital stereo and sounded pretty good, though not excellent. The channel separation was decent but not anything I’d push as a selling point for this flawed movie. There were lots of choices in subtitles and it was closed captioned as well.

Extras: trailers, paper insert with chapter listing

Final Thoughts: Well, the movie was a stinker and I think Tri-Star knows it too. On the dvd cover, it mentioned that the movie is “…loaded with personality.” Okay, is real life, when someone is setting you up with a blind date and they tell you that the person has a “nice personality”, what’s the first thing you think: “Wow, what a great opportunity to meet someone.” or “Oh great, another loser.”? Your answer will depend on how much you should see this movie. Even a fan of the leads will want to avoid this one.

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